FREE FOOD!

Seriously, if you're going to send out a press release for an event no one cares about ("UNICEF Announces A New Pollen-Allergy Offensive!"), that's all you need to put at the top. Even if it's a blatant lie, you'll still get enough responses to look good in front of your bosses.

Otherwise, what you get is a bunch of media bottom-feeders sneering at you ("Hey, buddy, don't waste my time!") and then flouncing off to write a bitchy entry on their blogs.